Fish of the week
JOHN DORY

I know you guys come to this site looking for stuff about PlentyOfFish.com (I check my keywords, I know it’s true) and I don’t provide it nearly often enough. So let’s start a semi-regular feature looking at some of the messages I receive. And who knows, if this goes well, I might even make up some profiles to get more messages.

I am also acutely aware that I give this blog URL to potential employers, mainly because it’s the most mature (in terms of age) blog I run. So, potential employees, focus on the breadth of content, Social Media integration and maybe the loosely defined Digital Marketing category.

I’m not going to reveal any personal details for the potential love interest, I’m not that mean!

First up…

The “Fat Penguin” Guy

Good day – how the devil are you?

Jo you have the most gorgeous smile it lit up my matches screen so I am going to give you the best chat up line I can to try and hook you into a conversation. Are you ready?

“Fat Penguin! (WHAT?) I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.” – it is a classic but I find it works better after a few drinks hahaha! I am hoping that this will not leave me out in the cold!!

Anyway if you fancy messaging me back I’ll try not to make anymore poor jokes! Xxxx

Best chat up line? Try only chat up line. I don’t go for that guff, but even if I did, it takes something away from the humour the fact that he sent me virtually the same message two weeks earlier. I ignored it then, I’m ignoring it again now! Oh and I didn’t included this message to humblebrag, I’m sure he tells all the girls they have ‘the most gorgeous smile.’ *BLOCK USER*

Brief & Unimaginative

hey how are you?

Is that it? His effort and brevity don’t bode well for our sex life. Oh, and locate the shift and comma keys…NEXT!

The Guy I Offended

Even I’ll concede that I could have been a little more friendly to this chap, but I think we all learned something from this conversation:

Him: Hey,

How you finding POF?
Any potential Mr Darcys caught your eye?
What type of guy do you go for?

Tall’ih, dark ‘n handsome, Drives, older (31),
Dresses well, Athletic, lives alones,
Makes great cuppas, Loyal, non needy,
Fun, likes to try new things, Gives good hugs,
Damn it sounds like me!!
…did I mention modesty is my best quality?!

Hope to speak soon

Me: Well, clearly it isn’t going that well or I wouldn’t still be on here. I find it really strange when people ask how I’m finding it. Would you ask someone on a first date who else they’re dating?

If I was messaging someone I was totally in to, would you want me to tell you?

You look cute and I don’t really consider 31 to be older. A lot of my friends are older than that.

I feel like I’m being a little harsh, but hey, I’m honest to a fault.

Him: That’s an awful message in response.
Lacking in originality and ungrateful with it,
I’ve just turned your light out ‘take me out’ style.
…ciao bella literally lol

Me: I’m OK with that. Laters!

Ergh, where to start

• ‘Lol’ is a pet hate of mine.
• I’m not sure it was unoriginal. Hopefully not everyone is going around being as offensive as me on POF.
• Ungrateful? How grateful am I supposed to be for a stock copy and paste message?
• ‘Take me out’ reference – OK, I’ll give that a pass based on the nature of the site.
• What on Earth is ‘Tall’ih?’

That concludes this week’s messages.

I have now changed my location to ‘Nairobi, Kenya,’ which is where I currently am, for real! Don’t believe me, check out my travel blog here!