I know it’s not the end of the year, but I don’t think we have to pass some kind of an official calendar landmark in order to look back and evaluate.
So, this year started really badly. I failed 2 modules of my CIM Post-Grad, I had a really bad first quarter at work, then the realisation that a relationship that never really got off the ground was never going to, oh, and my ex, who I’d managed to stay in touch with for the best part of 6 years, decided to cut me off – ouch!
The odd thing was, it didn’t feel so bad and here is why…
I decided to leave the CIM course. I wasn’t the only one, though a couple of my friends on the course have just completed it and I am very proud and happy for them. They worked ridiculously hard, forfeiting their social lives to get their Post-grad. They were already great Marketers though and will continue to be. Caroline is about to embark on her own business and Ingrid has a mouth-watering new cookery blog. Congratulations!
One Tree Hill can actually be pretty inspiring sometimes (yes, really) and I have just heard the quote from Clay to Nathan’s lecturer
“You’re teaching theory, while I’m living practice.”
After failing my CIM, I decided to give up the theory route in favour of practice. In May I booked a function room at the Park Plaza, Cardiff and set about organising the Cardiff Clothes Sale, which I mentioned yesterday. I’ve learned more about Digital Marketing in 5 months, than I did in 18 months of studying for my Post-Grad. As nervous as I am about the event, I’m also pretty excited. Jonah Hill recently said this in an interview and it really resonated with me.
Jonah Hill on whether he is nervous about unveiling his new project:
No! F&$# being nervous, man! It’s amazing! If you believe in it, who cares? It’s so easy to judge stuff, but, you know, put stuff out there! When Conan left NBC, he gave this beautiful last speech on his show. I literally was crying, because it was, “Don’t be a judgmental asshole. Put something out there, and then even if everybody hates it and it sucks, you say, ‘Okay, I’ve got something else — how about this?’” It’s so easy to judge. So I’d rather put myself out there and be judged than be too scared to put anything out there.
So there we go, I’m putting myself out there and I am nervous and it is scary, but it’s definitely better than not having a go.
The relationship that never got off the ground. Yeah, played that out all wrong. My analysis of the situation leaves me concluding that we were trying to act like what we thought a couple should be rather than what we would have been comfortable being. The perils of trying to attach labels. Luckily, though I think it’s more effort than luck, we’re still friends. I don’t mean that we’re civil when we see each other; he’s one of my best friends; random ‘in’ jokes, long rambling, non-sensical emails, spontaneous confectionary purchases, all the stuff I look for in a friend and how often does that happen? Not really much to complain about there apart from the lack of…
…On to work. The first quarter of the year at work hit me hard. I was out of my depth, yet still surprisingly cocky. I failed to get a job that really should have had my name written all over it and I was slowly demolishing my relationship with my actually rather impressive line manager. It was him that managed to get me to turn things around. He rapidly realigned my priorities and changed what I was working on. My work became more structured, I was forced to engage with new stakeholders and meet deadlines. Since then I’ve had a couple of good quarters. Though they’re restructuring again at work, so I might not have a job come Monday; I’ve been dealing with that situation too.
As for my ex, well, that kind of hurt my feelings. Actually, I’m fine about it, I just wanted an excuse to throw in this video. Classic Flight of the Conchords.
So, the year to date could have been pretty gloomy, but I’ve been open to asking for help and letting people help me. I’ve tried to be less all-or-nothing with my relationships and being grateful for even the smallest bits of kindness and fun. I’ve worked harder, whilst cutting my losses on other things. No, not everything is perfect, but it’s so far from being imperfect that I’m allowing myself a little smugness tonight, but not for too long.